Written by: Marlene*

Posted on Wednesday 21st February, 2024.

                                              POETRY BY MARLENE*

Written by: Marlene*
Posted on: Wednesday 21st February, 2024.

Introduction to my POETRY:
These poems were written during a very difficult time in my life, with drastic changes and new emotions that I had to work out for the sake of my mental health. Writing has always been a way for me to resolve my life issues and I would pray and meditate on my problems and when the urge to write hits me, I would then release it. These poems are those expressions.

In the early 1990’s I was also part of a group of about twelve who came together because we saw an ad in the paper to start a writer’s club. I have been writing since 1979 and still continue today. I guess I went through a Poetry phase because it was only in that year of 1992 that I wrote several poems which are very deep and intense emotions, written during a difficult time in my life… it was the beginning of the end of my marriage of twelve years.

Personally, I do not want to write about my personal life here, however I also know that without giving you a proper context for the poems, you are not getting the real emotion, but I do not really want to talk about my personal life.

I will say that I have three adult children and I have been single since the year 2000. Just celebrated twenty-four years of celibacy this past Valentine’s Day. I did actually take a vow which interestingly, I had always known deep in my heart, since the beginning of my journey in 1979, that I must become celibate. I cannot be sexually active, but I did override my conscience and had a relationship, then got married, then had another relationship.

I decided to finally do it in 1999 and it was a process for me. Now I am giving too much information, right? Well, I had to do some research, because I did not want to be someone who was not at peace in their body. I was actually in a relationship at the time which lasted six years. I knew that I would become celibate, soon, because I was leading towards it. I even informed my partner of my decision at some time during the relationship. ( I have not thought about this for a long time).

My visions in those days were always about the choices I was about to make, the ones that would have consequences, even judgment for the things I did. Perhaps one day I would actually be able to put those dreams into words. Those days are long over and I had to figure out a way to silence my body, which is actually a process in my case.

I have found my inner Peace through Christ Jesus and the knowledge which I have gained throughout the years concerning the Human physical body and the desires and passions of the Soul have brought me the understanding I need to walk this path. I did learn some interesting things about Nuns who took the vow of celibacy, even the Priests who have a big problem with silencing their bodies.

Here I am writing about celibacy and I never thought I would ever be doing such a thing. I did pray a lot in those days and did ask for help. I was given a way to look at it, as a journey, where I had to climb many steps to reach a door where I entered and never came out again. I did have some difficulty leaving behind this part of my life, and at the time my relationship could have continued indefinitely, and even though it should not be, it was okay to be in.

That is how I felt, although I knew that the day was soon coming. I had to stop a relationship where we never fought and had fun, but there were great consequences, and, and we were not married! Did you know that one of the practices that Nuns engage in was to put tiny ‘pillows’ with pins or needles in them under their armpits, and when ever they feel a sexual desire in their body, they would squeeze down their shoulders so as to cause pain to take their minds of their desire… underarm pin-cushions. YIKES!

I certainly did not want to have to go through that torture. I had a little problem and that was, I still liked my partner and so it was difficult to leave the relationship, without going back to visit. I did decide on Valentine’s Day 2000, in a restaurant to leave the relationship and today, I could not even imagine ever being in a relationship, it seems so alien to me now. I have truly become solitary which was always my destiny, and sins can be forgiven.

I also went through a very dark time in my spiritual relation with the Father where I felt that it was impossible for God to love me, mainly because of the things I did. There was a kind of separation I felt, which was brought on because of immense guilt and remorse, and that was a terrible time in my journey. Sin does separate you from God. Fortunately, I have been on my journey for a long time, even before my marriage and although I was going through I crisis, and felt the burden of sin, the desire and the drive to continue never left me.

I did learn three things during that time when my transition to celibacy was about to begin. I hope I remember them. The first thing I learned was- no matter what I do the Lord, my Spiritual Father will never leave me. Secondly, I learned that I should NEVER return to what I have left behind, and thirdly I also learned that it is the Soul that sins and the body is defiled. So in my experience, I understood that it was my Soul who needed to be silenced and not my body, for the desires usually come from the heart of the individual.

The flesh will lead you astray because of pleasures and physical desires, however it is the individual- the Soul who makes the choice to indulge in these pleasures. My journey is a spiritual one where I have to kill all of my carnal and fleshly desires, and completely silence my body so as not to become like the Nuns. I have been successful for the past twenty-four years and I just want to add that I know there are many people who have chosen this life-style and are very happy and satisfied with it.

I can not imagine ever being lonely, because very early on in my journey when I was searching for identity and purpose, I came to the understanding that even if I was the only person left in the world, I would still never be lonely because the Father is always with me, and my journey must continue. My destination is not of this world and who I am is also not of this world, so why feel lonely because of the lack of physical things since they do not belong to me.

The poems will be posted in separate blogs and I hope you enjoy them and comment.
Peace to You All in Christ Jesus. M.

POETRY:
Contents:

1. A SONG IN MY HEART (Part 1)
2. WAR IN THE LOVE ZONE (Part 2)
3. LABYRINTH ON EXISTENCE
4. DEATH IS FINAL
5. NAKED MIND
6. ME

Please go to next blog post for the poems. Each one is a separate blog page. Thank You, M.

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